Seasonal Cascadian Migrations

Standard

Seasons of Cascadia

The mist begins to lift from both forest and sea. An occasional ray of sunshine peeks over My Rainier. A lenticular cloud hovers over the mountain, freaking out everyone but the locals. Cherry blossoms bloom. It’s the fabled socks and sandals weather complete with vernal rainbows. For the first time in 8 months, skies clear completely, not one cloud showing its face for all of pride week. Perfect weather continues with GEESE! Then 12 straight weeks of drought for canoe journey and festivals is great for recreation, but causes 4 weeks of wildfires at least… so we begin praying for rain? Really? Lovely autumnal rainbows welcome the waters return. Refreshing drops keep dousing flames as we gather around campfires to eat apple and kale salad. HONK….GEESE AGAIN! Then a month of incessant torrential downpour. The salmon return. Think its clear? Dry? No. Black ice! Rain again alternating with freezing fog and what we like to call spit. Freezing rain scatters through those 3 cold weeks with pretty morning frost when it snowed twice and somebody reports a sasquatch sighting on KING5. 1 inch of snow. School closures. Then. Yeah! Our 3 days of Christmas snow came we can go sledding this year! Then. Hurricane force wind storm complete with friendly snow cone hail and free firewood. Next comes floods and mudslides. The rest of the rainy season is mountain snow, valley still effing raining causing moss and mold to grow everywhere followed by you guessed it another straight month of little bitty stinging rain that just never quite completely stops dripping off everything making things moist and damp every freaking where. People wander in a sleepy grey daze holding trays of soy lattes from Starbucks and bottles of vitamin D3. Seasonal affective dementors return for their yearly migration. The squirrels are phased by none of this and always look happy.

Advertisements

15 Reasons I secretly think are really why people dont want to book me or let me speak.

Standard

15 Reasons I secretly think are really why people dont want to book me or let me speak.

#1 They’re smiling like a racist that doesn’t want to ask me to leave or go to jail for saying something to my face.
#2 They’re threatened cause I have more talent in my pinky finger.
#3 They’re ignorant and haven’t heard of any of the people who endorse me who are more qualified than them to decide if I’m amazing.
#4 People are jealous petty and average.
#5 There’s some secret white economic apartheid rule about not hiring or paying POC and making us beg. I may have to go undercover at some point to prove this.
#6 They dont book people with out degrees, even though #2
#7 Don’t know what performance poetry is.
#8 The group is too atheist, humanist, and sciency and say I sound like magical crap.
#9 The group is too abundant and spiritual and I’m too loud, angry and poor.
#10 People are fake as fuck and full of bullshit.
#11 I’m brain damaged and autistic. Why should I thrive? Who wants to pay for that?
#12 “Not a good fit” for your event that has no poets or POC speaking on your topic. I think this is code for #1
#13 Its 3 to 10 minutes. If you can’t give a disabled impoverished POC single mom 3 minutes you’re a piece of crap like everyone else that won’t give us an inch of space.
#14 Cliques.
#15 Power trips.